How’s this for a novel concept: you submit a joke, and we’ll find the Kabbalah hidden within it? If your joke is selected for publication to this site (remember that this is a “G-rated” crowd, folks), we will email you a discount code worth 5% off the price of our book. Please email your submission to heywaiterbook@gmail.com and get ready to LAUGH and LEARN KABBALAH at the same time! You’ll feel like you’re sitting right on your grandfather’s lap!
Joke for November 16, submitted by Dr. J. B.
Several centuries ago, a Bishop decreed that all Jews had to convert to Catholicism or leave his district. There was a huge outcry from the Jewish community, so the Bishop offered a deal: a religious debate. If the Jews won, they could stay; if the Bishop won, they’d have to convert or leave.
No one from the Jewish community wanted to be the one responsible for the possible eviction of the Jews from the district, but finally, after much hand-wringing and despair, a simple Jew named Moishe stepped forward and agreed to be their representative.
Since neither the Bishop nor the Jew spoke the other’s language, it was agreed that there would be a “silent” debate, using gestures only.
The day of the great debate came. Moishe and the Bishop stood opposite each other in the town square. A hush fell over the crowd. Suddenly, the Bishop raised his hand and showed three fingers. Moishe glared back at him and raised his forefinger.
The Bishop then waved his hand in a circle around his head. Moishe pointed triumphantly at the ground.
The Bishop held up a wafer and a glass of wine. Moishe pulled an apple from his pocket and held it aloft.
The Bishop wiped the perspiration from his brow, stood up and announced, “I give up. This man has bested me. The Jews can stay.”
A whoop of joy rose up from the Jewish onlookers.
An hour later, the cardinals gathered around the Bishop. “What happened?” they asked.
The Bishop said, “First I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity. He responded by holding up one finger to remind me that there was still one God common to both our religions.
“Then I waved my hand in a circle to show that God is all around us. He reminded me that God is also right here, with all of us, Jew and non-Jew alike.
“Then I pulled out the wine and the wafer to show that God absolves us of our sins. He showed me an apple to remind me of original sin. He had an answer for everything. What could I do?”
Meanwhile, the Jews crowded around Moishe.
“What happened?” they asked.
“Vell,” said Moishe, “First the Bishop says to me, ‘You Jews have three days to get out of town.’ I told him not a single one of us vas leaving.
“Then he says, ‘This whole city vill be cleared of Jews.’ I told him ve are staying right here.”
“And then?” asked a woman.
“I don’t know,” said Moishe. “Then he took out his lunch, so I took out mine.”
Kabbalah:
It’s simple. It’s not so complicated. You do this and that and it’s done. Don’t make it so complicated.
The Baal Shem Tov liked simple: simple people who simply liked God even if they didn’t know a thing about religion, faith or ritual. They liked God like a baby likes his/her parent.
The Baal Shem Tov also liked religion, faith and ritual. He liked scholars who struggled with their learning to get closer and closer to God. But, he wanted them to remain simple through the process, still being a child calling for its parent.
Simple faith of a sophisticated person has more dimension and a richer texture, but a simple person who is delighted with his/her simple faith is no less worthy of God’s blessings.
Simple faith is not easy. It’s just simple.
Joke for October 4, submitted by M. N. B.
An old man was talking to a young friend. He told him he had been married for 66 years.
“That’s amazing!” his young friend said. ”What’s the secret to such a long, happy marriage?”
“Well,” the elder man replied, “It’s like this. We decided together when we got married that the man makes all the big decisions, and the woman makes all the little decisions.”
“No kidding,” the young man responded. ”Does that really work?”
“Absolutely,” the oldster said proudly. ”It’s been 66 years and, so far we haven’t had one big decision!”
Kabbalah:
In Kabbalah we find two concepts, Chochmah (a seminal flash of wisdom) and Binah (the gestational development of that flash of wisdom). The sudden burst of inspired thought is akin to the masculine approach, Chochmah, while the more elaborate, detailed, and often intuitive, way of thinking is likened to the feminine, Binah.
Chochmah is the original “aha!” or flash of an idea. It is the “lightbulb” that goes off in your head when you get just a glimpse of inspiration, but haven’t thought the idea through just yet. Binah, on the other hand, is the turning over and over of all the permutations and combinations that form the development of that original idea.
This doesn’t mean men and women are stereotypes, but rather, that each partner has his/her strengths and that God has factored those powers into the final equation.
In marriage, as in life, we need both the masculine and feminine contribution to produce a superior finished product.
Joke for September 15, submitted by N. L.
Two Jewish women were sitting next to each other on a bus, quietly minding their own business.
Kabbalah:
Considering the simplicity of this joke, it’s amazing how funny it is. But it is funny! How come?
It’s funny, because this scenario would never happen. When any two of us get together, we never sit silently. We talk. And talk. And talk. And the talk usually deteriorates into gossip.
There is a famous story about the Baal Shem Tov, who called his disciples to accompany him on a journey. As was the Rebbe’s custom, he did not disclose the destination or the purpose of the trip.
Several hours into the excursion, the Baal Shem Tov signaled for the wagon driver to stop at a roadside inn, so the group could rest and eat. The Rebbe’s disciples were devout Jews who were so impeccable with their kashrut (Jewish dietary laws), that they insisted on meeting the person who would be preparing their food. What was his level of piety, they wondered? Which knife had been used to slaughter the animal? Was it sharp, without nicks? Had the animal first been examined for internal and external blemishes? And once these questions were answered to their satisfaction, the discussion of the most minute details of every ingredient in every dish continued throughout the meal.
As the disciples conversed and ate thus, a simple beggar, who had stepped inside to set down his bundles, overheard the discussion. Politely, he remarked, “Dear Jews, are you as careful with what comes out of your mouth as you are with what enters into it?”
At this time before Yom Kippur, may the words we utter be chosen with as much care as the foods we eat. Gmar chatima tova. May we be sealed for a good, blessed New Year.
now THATS funny!